I guess I have this inner longing for a less complex lifestyle. One where I imagine a tiny-wood cabin, with a cozy fireplace. Surrounded by a beautiful green forest. And there, I share my company with the tiny forest animals whose humble abodes are God’s green earth.
As I open the doors of the tiny cabin, I can smell freshly chopped wood. A taste of sunshine in the air. Grounding myself in the crevices of contentment. I hear the songbirds playing their morning tunes. Tweaking, and geek-ing, in the ears of God. Lending my ear to their melody. I can feel a reset happening.
Listening to the symphony of nature all around me. East winds are gentle. Trees rustling, swaying softly. Relinquishing the need to buy the latest this or have the latest that. Putting the world far behind me.Un-wrapping timeless woes and cares over this and over that. I believe this is the place where freedom, does not draw blood from stone. Nor require anything of me.
Breathing in, I step inside God’s love Breathing out, this is where I reset Breathing in, my divine appointment is here Breathing out, I am nourished I am restored
From time to time, the person I no longer -am has come to say goodbye. And it’s okay. I want the old me to know. I see you. Bowed head, shrinking back. Third-degree burn on your right hand. I see you. Oh! How have we grown as the years have gone on.
The scars I was carrying have no weight on who I am now. I won’t dismiss the facts. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs. And the trail of deaths runs deep.
I have come back to take you by the hand, to lead you into a glorious departure. I’m better now, as are you. The little girl in me is cheering, every scar, every wounded hole, every dark night of the soul, We are the answered prayers of treacherous nights. We are the songs of holy grail, that’s right!
This time last year, I was dealing with so much loss. Life was slowly eating away at me. I told myself if I was to survive, I would need to make mental- changes. For me, that’s getting back to the basics. And dragging my kids along for the ride. Hoping they’d be better too.
There’s still much work to be done. A few days ago, I was sitting in a meditative state. When I heard a whisper “there’s nothing eating you.” As I opened my eyes, I looked around, no one’s in the room. That’s when I knew the changes I’m making are bringing in this new way of being. As I let go of old habits, becoming more aware of unwanted cycles. Embracing what is, the things I can’t change. Releasing old ideas that no longer serve me. I give myself permission to relax, I give myself permission, that it’s okay to feel everything, and it’s okay to let everything be as it is. As I now, let go. I give myself permission to let the light carry me.
Some things are changing…
All of my past eczema, itchiness has cleared up. I’m not as restless as I used to be, my A -personality type can finally relax. Woo-sah!
Here’s My list of six things that’s working for me:
* keeping an email journal by writing an email to me (no more excuses of not keeping a journal)
* pause before each next thing taking three to five breaths in the car, in the kitchen, etc.
* playing the old inspirational- spirituals brought my soul back from a dark place
* stay on a clean eating path – for me no sugar, no coffee, no junk,
* family time, and time for myself – that includes healing movements
* And trading in my yelling for a few Woo-sah, throughout the day (parents’ you understand)
After 30 days of writing poetry. I feel strong. I feel like I could take the bull by its’ horns. I’d never do that of course! Although, putting words down on the page might be something I can once again, just suck -it -up -and -do. I mean, there are times I’ve made excuses for not coming- here, to the page. Times where you just have to put a pin in it. Come back and try another day.
For the first time, in quite a few years, I’ve had a 30 day streak on word-press. Mentally I think, I’m in a better place to write. As I make several attempts to get outside my head. Which many of my poems are about. It’s’ the darndest thing, all that crying, weeping, and leakage that came to sit with me. I tell you I had no idea, I hadn’t unboxed those boxes. All of those tears saved my life.
As I look back, and move forward all in one fell swoop,
The challenges between writing and the kids is really the writing part….
Some things you didn’t know behind the scenes, yesterday, I also celebrated my 100th day of eating clean to the best of my ability. I’m on the journey to better health. So these last hundred days , of no chips, no coffee, no pounds of sugar added anywhere. And what do you know? I feel better. My sugar cravings are at an all time low. Even as my kids passed around chocolate cake. I didn’t ask how it was. Even to live off of their taste-buds and get that sugar-whiff -high. Whew! Right then and there, I walked out of the kitchen, like a 7 foot tall amazon- beauty.
Yes! Here’s to another milestone. Coupled with eating right, I put in the work of exercising 10-30 minutes each morning, even with all that poetry, and more poetry, I got up and kicked my own butt, no gym membership I’m done with being robbed. I never made those meetings. However this time, 100 days eating clean, to the best of my ability, 100 days of exercise that’s including 2 rest days each weekend.
Along with my regular appointed schedule of working for my home -church, kids activities, checking on my neighbors, family and friends. At the end of the day I would be so tired. Writing poems at the crack of dawn, writing poems on lunch hour – unable to post until 8 or 9pm. Writing poems in the car, poems in the garden, poems during thunderstorms -lights flickering.
Oh that’s not to say, I didn’t have my moments, like take the day off. Been there, done that! Returned too many T- shirts! I had to sing my way out of that funky-feeling. Write my way out of my own blues. Lean into moments of quietness, and tune into-silence. And there would be my poem of day ,
My little heart is full of joy as I woke to all of these beautiful poets cheering me on in today’s feature on https://www.napowrimo.net/ Never in a million year’s did I think I’d hit the floor like that! Thank you so much, I’m honored and humbled to be with all of the poets . Okay on with today’s poem….
Krissy Mosley Ministries 